i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
