this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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