Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
