her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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