somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
