Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
