Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
