sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
