If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
