you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize