Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
did i walk over a car last night?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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