So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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