I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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