So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
