Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize