Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
