We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
