now i know why i became what i already was.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
time to smoke my breakfast
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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