scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
