Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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