Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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