can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
