i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
