I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
