Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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