Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
