Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
