it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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