You just made me feel so damn special
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
