i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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