now i know why i became what i already was.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
