I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
