Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
