I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
