i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
