i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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