I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
