apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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