im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
