But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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