how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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