if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I love you. Go after that dick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
