I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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