Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
