Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
