There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We have started to decorate penises.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
