O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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