do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
