Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
