Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
