That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
