I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
