Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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