Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
