I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
