I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
