I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
