drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
