I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
