I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
