Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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