I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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