I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
