If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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