i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
