Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
